Huh.

Ran into an old friend today.

I mean, I guess that's what I'd call him, an old friend... don't know, really. He is. Feels like there is/was more to it than that, but we never actually dated or anything, so I don't quite know what.

See, we were good friends in high school...

We had this big group of friends... lots of sillyness... it was pretty great, actually. Anyways, this friend. There was a time when I liked him. Like, liked him liked him. I told him so, toward the end of my 10th grade year. He said it was mutual, but [wishy-washy-sounding explanations] he wasn't going to "ask me out" right then. A few weeks later I saw him kissing a friend of mine, took that as a "no," was briefly heartbroken, and got over it and him.

We continued to be friends, but he and most of our friends were a year ahead of me, so when they all graduated and went off in various directions for school, the group pretty much dissolved. Fast forward to middle of my junior year of college, and I see a once-familiar screenname pop up on my Instant Messenger. Don't think I'd seen or heard from the guy in probably three years. I say "hey," we catch up a bit, hang out with other folks a few times when I'm home for Christmas. Seems like old times. Then one night we're sitting around watching Star Trek, and suddenly he's kissing me.

Looking back, yes, there were signs I should have seen. But I a) had never dated or as far as I knew had anyone interested in me so had nothing to compare to, b) had written off any vague maybe-hints as a result of the aforementioned events in high school, and c) am oblivious by nature and fantastically bad at reading people. So I didn't get the memo... until he was on my face.

And I was like, "WHAT. THE. ISGOINGON?" And there was a conversation (of sorts)... and it was awkward. And largely incoherent, as I recall. I babbled extensively. Couldn't think in a straight line. Brain-to-mouth filter was totally busted, and neither was making any sense. I was totally caught off guard. Flattered. Angry. (NOW? FIVE YEARS after I had told him how I felt?) I rambled, muttered, babbled some more, he said things, (including "I think I love you," which I think could have been timed better and, when said, probably could have done without the first two words...) Eventually I managed something resembling "I need to think about this and talk to you later," and "I should go home now" which came out as a question.

I called him a few days later, once I was back at school, still lacking any sort of clarity or the ability to use words properly. There was babbling again, to the effect of "This can't work, we don't make sense, brussels sprouts, maybe we can be friends?" and I promptly ceased to exist. (I'm really good at that, turns out... but that's a-whole-nother story for a-whole-nother day.) I didn't have feelings for him, I didn't not have feelings for him. I had just turned off the part of me that even considered him in a way that involved feelings! We were just getting to know each other again... Maybe I would have started considering one way or the other again, given time, but this just short-circuited that whole process (and heck, my brain) so we'll never know. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I just... didn't. I felt bad about that part... I thought about him the other morning, maybe I'd write him an apology note and drop it in his mailbox one day, but wasn't sure if he was still living at home, or if that would be weird...

Worked at Borders today, in the cafe for the first time in months. (There was chaos unrelated to that gap, so started off stressful but got back into the swing of things pretty quickly and enjoyed the shift.) Afterwards, I was talking to a friend, wanted to say hi to another, and needed to sort out scheduley things with the manager, so I was kind of wandering around the store... thought I saw a familiar form back in the sci-fi section... walked back that way... guess who?

We talked. Like people. Real live human beings with language capabilities. Like adults even.

We did the standard obligatory 3 minute catch-up. Mused at living back home, non-forever-but-enjoyable jobs, and school loans being icky. A moment of nostalgia for the old group and a bit of hindsight analysis of its demise. He said he thought about me the other day, because he was listening to Switchfoot. (I was all about Switchfoot in high school.) I said I had thought about him just the other day too, the disappearing and all... I did apologize. (And decided, too late, that it was weird.)

As we parted ways, I said, "Good to see you," and meant it. He said, "You can message me," and I don't know what he meant. The whole conversation was... nice. friendly. Awkward, but familiar. No feelings, I don't secretly wish I had accepted his unwieldy advances, but I do miss him sometimes... In a strictly platonic, if-only-we-had-the-social/emotional-wherewithal-to-deal-with-our-shit sort of way.

Huh.

Snow Safari! (or something.)

I ventured out into the world today, for the first time since… Tuesday night? Not that the snow was keeping me in, just didn’t have anywhere to go Wednesday-Saturday. (I don’t actually have a life, Job #1 is still in temporary schedule limbo, and Job #2 is portable.)

Most of the roads in the area are totally fine now, but my neighborhood is kind of the Bermuda Triangle, (it’s nearly impossible to find where you’re looking for, geometry and physics don’t apply, and if you end up there accidentally you may never find your way out,) so unsurprisingly, my street and the ones it connects to haven’t been properly plowed since the snow finished snowing.

Now, the plow passed by my window several times during the snow, and at least two of those was actually plowing, but they appear to have given up several inches too soon.

So, you’ve got the small continuous mounds of snow edging into the average-bordering-on-narrow street along the curb, from people shoveling their stretches of sidewalk, plus the sporadically spaced giant snow mountains of what the trucks did plow, just kind of chillin there (pun unintended but admitted, unashamed), and then all the cars that park in the street wedged in wherever they can, as close to the now-merely-theoretical curb as the snow mounds/mountains will permit, resulting in a veritable one-lane maze.

But alas, recall those last few inches of snow that snowed since the snowplow stopped plowing? Yeah, they’re still on the road. Of course, people have been driving over them for a few days, so some spots have melted down to the road and since dried up, some melted but then re-froze into nice slippy bits, others are packed down hard into solid bumps, and then there’s the spots that aren’t quite sure, so you drive up on them and then they decide they’re slippy or slushy…

So you’re bump-crunch-slip-slosh-sliding down the road, weaving between snow mountains and parked cars and not-parked cars coming from the other way and the occasional pedestrian, while trying not to slow down too much, because if you lose momentum on the wrong stretch, you might end up parked there til spring… and it’s awesome. :D Like off-roading, but on the road. Very entertaining.

SNOWF.

The sistercreature is home. J-term break. I somehow thought it was already the normal spring semester, while having no idea January was that close to over. Total surprise. I was just standing in the kitchen, minding my own business, looking for lunch at 3pm, and all the sudden the door made sounds and there she was. >.< The house seems so much more crowded when she's here.

Also, snow. And a fair bit of it too. It'll be all the more crowded, because nobody's going anywhere any time soon. It's pretty though, and much nicer to be snowed in at home than at school.

Wouldn't think snow days would do me any good, since I'm not scheduled at Job #1 at all and I work wherever whenever for Job #2... but then the power went out for like 30 seconds, and the cable/internet went out for a few hours (the reasonable ones, when I would have actually done work). Pretty much all my work is internet-based and mostly stored in Google Docs, so I was able to pull the text from the few things I had open already and finish those offline, but there's only so much I could get at without internet access, so I got a "snow day" for a little while after all. It's back now though, obviously, so I'll probably have to attempt productivity tomorrow.

My phone is internety, but not in such a way that I could really accomplish anything with it, and both actual tv and tv-via-interwebs were kaputt, so I decided to actually read, for the first time in too long. I had a random murder mystery lying around from... well that's slightly funny:

Job #1 = bookstore, recall? Back when I was noobish and the world had reasonable temperatures, I was in there on one of my days off with the mama, trying to ask one of the managers a question, but there was this author in there finishing up a signing of sorts... looked to be done and packing up, but she was talking to the manager I was waiting to talk to, and somehow between the two of them, misinterpreted my lurking as waiting for her, so I felt awkward and when she asked if I wanted her to sign a book for me I said sure...

...So I had this random murder mystery from this random local author lady, and an unexpected chunk of time to kill, so I read it. All of it. In like, 4ish hours, I think.

It was pretty good... kind of dissatisfying for a while, as there was a long stretch in the later middle where not much was revealed so trying to figure it out was hopeless and frustrating, but in the end, things came together well enough. I could tell it was her first novel, but it was an enjoyable quick read overall, and the obligatory romantic sub-plot was believable and quite cute.

It felt really good to be able to read for fun again, (I played guitar last night too! It's like I'm a person again!) and moreover 'twas quite reassuring to discover that I could still read fairly quickly. After 4 years of mostly horrendous college reading, some failed attempts at reading business books/articles, and a few months in the cubecicle, I was afraid my brain had gone to mush. Maybe I'll go do math now. D:

My life happens in approximately 3-month chunks.

Ah, at last, I'm down to just 2 jobs again. The contract at Job #3 ended a little earlier than expected. It was supposed to last 3 months, then I could potentially be hired permanently, or it could be extended, or it could just be done. Since I held onto Jobs #1 and #2 all this time, and the three altogether didn't leave much time for anything else, all I really wanted was a decision, ,and thankfully, that's what I got.

On one hand it's obviously disappointing not to come out of it with a permanent full-time job with benefits, decent money, and friendly coworkers, but on the other, it's quite nice not to have to drive an hour each way to do a pretty mundane job (the work wasn't bad, but not something I wanted to do for too long), and finally have time to focus on the other jobs, catch up with friends and tv shows, and still have time to sleep. So all said and done, it averages out to indifference, roughly.

Reacquaintances

The bookstore is in the same town I went through school in, so bumping into people I knew in high school is a pretty frequent occurrence.

Tonight, as I was working there, a guy came up to ask me to help him find a book, and I was halfway through realizing he was kind of attractive, when we both simultaneously realized we knew each other.

It was a guy I graduated high school with... and actually he was in my first grade class too... We never really talked much in school, but we caught up briefly as I showed him the section he was looking for. He seemed nice. It was... surreal?

Day 2

2011 has, thus far, continued its trend of not completely sucking. And I am [technically] keeping up with my tentative resolution to blog every day, and thus the actual resolution to blog semi-regularly.

Small victory. \o/

Church was interesting today... they finally announced that a fairly significant* change is about to start happening. The possibility has been brewing, officially-though-quietly, for a couple years now. I smelled it coming a good deal sooner than that, but didn't realize it at the time. What is actually going to happen is yet to be determined, but things are officially set in motion now... so it will be interesting* to see what goes down in the coming months.

Entirely unrelatedly, I went to a wedding a few days ago. On Wednesday. It was a decidedly odd time for a wedding, and slightly inconvenient, being smack in the middle of the holiday week (though not according to Job #3...), but was a lovely celebration and a good excuse to take a couple days off and actually have a little time to enjoy the holidays. Initially, I thought it was far enough away that I'd have to spend the night somewhere, so I requested Thursday off too, and then it turned out it was close enough that it was easier to just drive home afterwards, so I had a legit day off on Thursday, and Friday was the official holiday for New Years, so between those and the weekend I had a nice little mini-break. (Of course, I worked at Job #1 yesterday and scattered hours for Job #2 throughout, so I wasn't totally free, but at least I got to catch up on sleep a bit.)

Back to the normal unpleasant schedule tomorrow, bright-and-way-too-early.

* Understatement.

Cafe Storyrant... Go!

Oy. What a long week! I worked 8 of the past 9 days, and this week was all long shifts. So, yay for actually getting money, but boo for sore feet and tired me.

So here's a funny story. Not really funny, really, but a story anyway. Yesterday I was supposed to work an 8 hour shift in the middle of the day-- three hours overlapping with the girl who opened, 2 hours by myself, and then 3 hours overlapping with the girl who would close. I was supposed to take my break when the closer got in, but about half an hour before the opener was to leave, I realized I had to pee, and was really hungry, and didn't want to wait 2 and a half more hours to take my break, so I asked her if she'd mind if I took it then, I'd just take a half hour instead of the whole one, and I'd be back when she had to leave. She didn't mind, so that's what we did. And THANK FREAKING GOD.

Apparently, the girl who was scheduled to close had called out, but somewhere along the line the wires got crossed and that little tidbit of information never made it to the manager who was actually working then, or to me, or to anyone actually working that day, and neither she or the manager she had talked to found a sub. So, about halfway through what originally would have been my break, the manager figured this out and called a couple people, but nobody could/would come in to close, so he asked me if I'd stay to close. Luckily for them, I didn't have any pressing plans that would warrant leaving them with an unstaffed cafe for the rest of the evening, so I said I would.

It was only an extra two hours of work, but on top of an already 8-hour shift, that's a long time to be standing around making coffee. And instead of two hours working alone, it turned into 7, and I still had to do the food pull for the next day (normally done at the end of the middle shift, when the closer gets in, so one can wait on customers while the other's in the back), plus do all of the closing stuff, which is a pain in the butt to begin with. Luckily for me, it was pretty slow most of the night, so I was able to get it done anyway, and they sent some people over from the book side at the very end to help me finish up. So everything crucial got done, the place got clean, and I still made it out of there reasonably soon after the store closed. It wasn't that bad, and the manager bought me lunch today for being willing to stay.

This morning I get in, working on the book side, and the other manager mentions I had forgotten to put more iced coffee in the fridge, but he had apparently been the one who had dropped the ball in the first place in not letting anyone know the girl wasn't coming in, so it was all good. I said, "whoops, sorry, I'll try to remember that next time," and life moved on. I helped some customers, shelved some books, didn't have to work the register much, it was a good day... until 5.

Then the girl who was closing the cafe showed up. From the very beginning, I could tell she was going to be stressful to work with. The other cafe workers warned me, the cafe supervisor warned me, every time I opened, I could tell if she had been the one to close the previous night, because everything was messy and half-assed, if done at all. I tried to be polite when I saw her, but was grateful that I only had to work with her twice so far. I didn't think I'd have to worry about it today, since I was on the other side of the store, but I was wrong. Soon after she arrived, she wanted to tell somebody something on the radio. Instead of just turning on the one we keep in the cafe, she tells me, halfway across the store, to pass on the message for her. She mumbles (rather consistently) so I couldn't hear what she said, so I walk towards her and ask her what she said. Instead of repeating it like a normal person, she grabs the mic on my headset, while it's still attached to me, and tells whatever to whoever herself, completely demolishing any semblance of personal space in the process. >.<

A little while later, I'm helping out on register, and she comes over and just stands there awkwardly... already I have a bad feeling about this. She rings up a couple people too, eventually the line dies down, so I try to head back out to the floor to finish the pile I was shelving, but before I can manage that, she corners me and starts going off on me about how bad I did at closing. At first I think maybe I did forget a few things, I was by myself and already tired, it's plausible. But then she asks me how I got Sunday from Thursday (refering to the expiration stickers we stick on the food trays, everything gets either one or two days from when you pull them out of the freezer), and then tries to claim half of it didn't have a sticker at all. I admit to her I may have missed a tray or two, but I'm pretty sure I got almost everything, and I know I didn't put Sunday stickers on anything. (When in doubt, I just tagged it for the next day, to be on the safe side, so almost everything had Friday stickers.) It would have been one thing if she was correcting me on things I had actually done wrong, (and even then, she doesn't actually have any authority over me, I would just have respected it since she has been there longer than I) but NONE OF IT WAS TRUE.

When I told this story to the cafe supervisor (who actually quit, effective yesterday, but we text), she confirmed that the girl has no room to talk... "A lizard could close the cafe better than her"... and both the managers who I've worked with lately told me I'm a good worker and doing a great job at my job(s), so I'm pretty confident that I didn't screw up, but she's just crazy.

Nonetheless, when she was done, I was so so so very mad... Somewhere between shock and actual restraint, I managed not to say or hit anything, but that meant it came out as tears of frustration, so I went back to the break room, but there was a guy in there, so I stood at the sink and washed my hands so I had an excuse to face the wall and steam/cry a little... but this was like, 10 minutes before the end of my shift, so when I came back in to clock out and he was still there, I still wanted to rid myself of the grime of other people's money and dusty books and computers that everyone-and-their-mom has touched before I got my stuff and left, so he gave me a funny look and asked "didn't you just wash your hands?" and I was still barely maintaining my composure/sanity, so I just sort of muttered "yup" and some failed summary of the above explanation and left awkwardly.

But now I'm home, showered, pajama'd, and soon will be asleeeeep. And tomorrow will involve no work, but lots of funnesses.

Settling in...

...to a new phase of life, in a few ways.

• Settling in to life as a graduate and some new jobbage. That's right, world, I'm employed. I was a student, now I'm a bookseller/barista. Thrilling, right?
• Settling in back home. After 4 years of dealing with roommates of various types/levels of crazy, but being mostly in charge of my own living, I am now once again in my parents' house, but with my own space. An interesting trade-off.
• Settling in back at my home church. Couldn't be very involved for the last few years, since I was gone most of the year, particularly the parts of the year when most things happenned, but I did connect with a lovely housechurch out at school. Now that I'm back in the area for the forseeable future, I'm able to finally get involved again.
• Settling into great friendships. There's a lot of overlap here with the last one, as I'm making a bunch of new friends through various church adventures, getting to know others better, and reconnecting with some old friends (both church friends and friends/acquaintances from highschool and such). Also making new friends at work!
• Settling in to new perspectives and deeper faith. More on that later! For now, goodnight!

And accordingly, settling in to a new blog. :D