Ambifluous.

Yep, ambifluous. I was looking for a word to describe this state of mind, but that's all I came up with. And it's not actually a word. I guess it's somewhere in between "ambivalent" and "superfluous", which doesn't quite peg it, but it's not the worst approximation... there's always "purple"... or... "Scandanavian." Those are slightly less accurate.

There is an element of ambivalence, and an element of superfluousness, (superfluouitity? pretty sure that's not a word either, and definitely a misspelled non-word,) but there's something else in there too, that I can't quite name.

A lack of direction, maybe. Focus. Both as a noun and a verb. Something to focus on, and the ability to focus. I need a goal, a passion, something to aim for, to look forward to (besides warmer weather). What do I want?

An Interesting Contrast

I fall for fictional characters like it's my job.

It seems every show I watch and love, I fall for the leading man. (Or sometimes not the leading man, but at least one of the guys in the main cast.) Maybe it's just that I like shows more when they have some fine specimen of manliness for me to crush on. Probably both. We all know I'm a sucker. :P

Right now I'm watching through Torchwood and drooling over Captain Jack Harkness. Before this I was catch-up-marathon-ing Bones, and slightly in love with Agent Seely Booth. Clearly there's something about dashing hero types with government backing but a cowboy attitude, but beyond that, those two are rather different.

Booth is completely transparent and loyal to his country and his friends. Jack, on the other hand, is a bit of an enigma, and we're never quite sure exactly where his loyalties lie (so far... maybe it becomes clearer later). Booth seems to mostly have and follow a similar sense of right and wrong as I do, while Jack is apparently a reformed con-man who follows a different moral code and I don't quite understand what his values are. Booth is an old-fashioned one girl [at a time] kind of guy and ultimately in love with Brennan, Jack is... shall we say, indiscriminant, as far as I can tell. Booth is pretty close to perfect, Jack is gorgeous and funny and often infuriating, and they're both irresistible... and fictional. (Details, details.)

Previous Bloggery

This is not my first foray into the blogosphere. In fact, I've been popping in and out for quite sometime now, since the days when LiveJournal was invite only... and I didn't have an invite, so I was on a copycat site called "Blurty". (I think.) (I did eventually get an invite to LJ, and like 2 weeks later they opened it up. Figures.)

Perhaps I'll dig the addresses for such early brain-leak-recepticals out of the abyss at some point, for the amusement value of middle?school me spilling my guts into the vast virtual vacuum. (That's what WWW stands for, didn't you know?* The internet was invented by Germans.**) But for now, I'm riding on the much greater probability that noone actually cares quite that much, and shall refrain for the moment.

I will, however, leave you with this link to the most recent one (besides this page, obviously), in case you're really bored/stalking me and want to more blog-age. (I will probably still update it periodically, but it has turned into more of a silly-picture-re-blog/fansqueeing page, and less of where I put words that mean anything, so henceforth I shall [more or less] distinguish the two as such.

In any case, for further reading: http://for-tea-too.tumblr.com/


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*Lies.

**Pure fabrication.***

***Yes, I blog with footnotes.